Hi there, my pets!
I know, it’s been IONS. You’ll be happy to know that in the time I’ve taken to once again brutally neglect this blog I have, I have not only started 2 new jobs, but I also invested in bio-gel fake nails. This has been the second best decision of my life (after my decision to cut out HATERS who poison my mind with their toxic negativity lmao…) So this is being typed with the UTMOST satisfaction. Man, I feel like a woman!
Well, it’s May 16th, which means Harry Styles new album came out 5 days ago. WOW, way to take us by storm, Harry! I, like most people, think Harry Styles is fucking sick AND hot; but I would like you all to participate in a minor exercise with me. Ok, close your eyes (after you finish reading this sentence because obviously you won’t get the next set of instructions if you just KEPT your eyes closed), and now picture Harry Styles with a buzzcut. Thoughts? Is he only as hot as he is with the hair? I’ll let you sit with that one.
The album features a variety of brit-rock-pop songs. I dig it. I listened to the whole thing while I scrubbed my floors and did my husbands laundry. But then, there’s one song on the album called “Carolina,” which made me stop in my domestic tracks. The lyrics went like this:
She’s got a family in Carolina
So far away, but she says I remind her of home
Feeling oh so far from home
She never saw herself as a west coaster
Moved all the way cause her grandma told her
“Towns, better swim before you drown”
She’s a good girl
She’s such a good girl
Yeah, she’s a good girl
She feels so good
And as that term “good girl” repeated, I realized, I have a PROBLEM WITH IT. Sometimes I wish I was the kind of person who didn’t get worked up about everything. Like I think about my friends and I think, why am I the only one who has a problem with EVERYTHING, and they never do. It’s a SONG, who cares? It’s just a cute pop song! I mean the song is nice, but the sentiment IS NOT. Let me tell you why this IRKS ME SO!
Have you ever had a conversation with someone, and they say something to you that they think is completely insignificant and probably forgot about right after the conversation is done, but you didn’t? It sticks with you, and you sit on it and you think about it for however long, and it just IRKS you?
A few years ago I was sitting in my boyfriends car, while he confided in me an intimate struggle he had been having. He was torn, because he “doesn’t like girls like me”. This came as a bit of a shock, since I thought we were like in love, or whatever. And he assured me, we were! That was the problem. He said that he wished we met when we were younger, so I could be his sweetheart. He just wanted a good girl, and a sweetheart, and maybe he was naive or innocent to think that this was the way love should be, but that’s what he wanted.
I know for a fact, that he did not think twice about that conversation (in so far as it affected me). I mean he definitely continued to think favourably about good girls and sweethearts, but not about that conversation. But I thought about it when I got out of the car. Then I thought about it all night, and all day the next day, and for weeks to come. And I couldn’t get over it, because I was so ASHAMED of myself for not being a good enough girl. Here’s a guy, who is just so romantic. Not like other guys. He doesn’t want to play games, he would never cheat on me. All he wants is a REAL love story, and isn’t that what I want too? Of course I would love to be so romantically in love, and just be the apple of each others eyes, and be happy and grow old together, and it’s classic. But I ruined it already, and I didn’t even mean to.
I wish I could go back in time and take back everything I’ve said and done, even before I met him. I wish I could have been good enough for him, and sweet enough, and I wish he’d never saw the side of me that was aggressive and powerful, and I wish my kill count was 2, not 11. I wish I didn’t tell him any stories about when I was a teenager. I wish I could defend myself by saying I was young. I wish we never played Mortal Kombat together, I wish I just watched. I wish I never paid for dinner, and I wish I didn’t have my drivers license so he could always pick me up. And I wish my voice was higher, because no matter what, when I talk it sounds low, and I never sound delicate, or like I need him. I wish I always wore the perfect outfit. I wish I bought more like, cute floral dresses, and didn’t wear tight clothes and crop tops. I wish I could fix what he thought of me by acting differently, sweeter, more innocent, less aggressive, more catering to him. I wish I was a GOOD GIRL. I want to be his GOOD girl.
*insert sound of a record scratching here*
Let me slap you dickheads with some made up terminology. Ever heard of a “PEDESTAL COMPLEX?” Well, probably not, (because I just made it up). I mean, there could be a scholarly definition of it already, but in this blog, I am going to define a PEDESTAL COMPLEX as the instance of being defined in a way that bounds you to a singular way of behaving, which you cannot possibly maintain. In other-words, when you are set up for inevitable failure:
“Pedestals aren’t safe…one wrong move and a nasty tumble is sure to follow. Humility is a great grounding tool.”
― Sanjo Jendayi
One of the worst things a man (or woman) can do, is address their partner as their “DREAM _____”. I was my boyfriends Dream Woman. Which was super cute and insanely romantic!… At first. But then, when he found out things about me that his Dream Woman wasn’t supposed to be doing or saying, it would fall brutally out of line with his ideas, and I got punished for acting out of character when, HELLO I never said I was (nor did I sign up to be) your Dream Woman! The same idea applies to “GOOD GIRL”. What’s the problem with being a good girl? Nothing! IF it didn’t already come with a definition, the words “good girl” wouldn’t be a bad thing at all. I call my best friends puppy a good girl whenever she shits on her pee pad.
The words “DREAM WOMAN” alone, without any context, do have the potential to be a romantic or positive sentiment. Unfortunately, when (in an absurd amount of songs, or movies, or whatever), someone is talking about a GOOD GIRL, they mean a good girl (as defined by men), and as opposed to a BAD GIRL (also defined by men). Oh dear!
Now imagine how SILLY I am! I thought I was a “Good Girl” this WHOLE TIME, but really, I didn’t know what a Good Girl was. I might as well have thought I was an ostrich, or a celebrity, because turns out, I was about as much of a “GOOD GIRL” as I was either of those things.
Stay with me guys, I know this is ridiculous, but I thought being a Good Girl just meant you define yourself as a woman (or a girl) sexually, and then you are a nice and good person. I didn’t realize that a Good Girl was supposed to not have a past. I didn’t know Good Girls waited around their whole lives to be some man’s “one and only sweetheart”. I didn’t realize Good Girls didn’t go out? I was also unaware that to be a Good Girl, I had to be like, cute and well spoken and respectable. Hey! Have you guys ever heard Drake’s HIT tune, “Hotline Bling?”
Ever since I left the city,
You got a reputation for yourself now
Everybody knows and I feel left out
Girl you got me down, you got me stressed out
‘Cause ever since I left the city,
you started wearing less and goin’ out more
Glasses of champagne out on the dance floor
Hangin’ with some girls I’ve never seen before
These days, all I do is
Wonder if you bendin’ over backwards for someone else
Wonder if you’re rollin’ up a backwoods for someone else
Doing things I taught you, gettin’ nasty for someone else
You don’t need no one else
You don’t need nobody else, no
Why you never alone
Why you always touching road
Used to always stay at home, be a good girl
You was in a zone, yeah
You should just be yourself
Right now, you’re someone else
WOAH! Did everyone reading this radically left wing blog know that you CANNOT be a Good Girl, while simultaneously going dancing with your friends and drinking champaign? Did you know that those were BAD things to do?? I myself, didn’t know Good Girls, were supposed to wait around, even when Drake leaves the city to go on tour and do GOD KNOWS WHAT, and not make new friends or go out. She should be staying HOME, like GOOD GIRL! Not hanging with all those bad influence BAD GIRLS. This guy dropped you like a hot potato, and so (naturally) you don’t call him anymore, and now he feels LEFT OUT!!!! Fuck, sorry man!
Is there anything more fragile than a man clinging to his stark masculinity? I don’t know, maybe a china shop located on the San Andreas fault?
Here’s what I don’t get (among A LOT OF THINGS). In this whole Madonna / Whore dichotomy, the men who practice it are weirdly giving women WAY too much credit. Do they think we are OMNISCIENT DIVINE CREATURES, BORN WITH THE ABILITY TO BE PERFECT? We came out of the womb, SOMEHOW, already knowing how to be lady in the street and a freak in the sheets. Like I just sat at home and prayed for 22 years, until God one day was like, “He’s coming, child!! Your one and only is on his way to you, thanks to the divine nature of this ever expanding universe! Quick, let me teach you how to suck dick and ride him like it’s Canada Day. Make haste!”
Side note: The other day I was hanging out with an old friend I used to hook up with in University and our “growth” came up, and he was like “Yeah, since I’ve been older I don’t really care about how many chicks I sleep with anymore, but when I was younger that was definitely a thing.”
And I was like “LMAO, THAT WAS NEVER A THING FOR ME, BECAUSE IN WHAT WORLD DO WOMEN GET TO BRAG ABOUT / STRIVE FOR A HIGH KILL COUNT???”
What is with men giving us this power, putting us up on this pedestal, only to get MAD about our “power”, and then making arguments to take it away? It’s like watching a crazy person have a fight with a brick wall. Here’s my fave example:
“Oh you can sleep with whoever you want, it’s so easy for chicks to get laid”.
May I inquire: How are you mad about that, when – (as I discovered in my trip down memory lane with my old pal) – the reason it’s “easier for us to get laid” is because YOUR KIND is hitting on us trying to get your kill counts up 24/7? How do you resent us for something that YOUR ARE INFLICTING ON US? That’s like me spoiling my kids, and then saying “You fucking spoiled kids always get whatever you want”. My kid didn’t come out of the womb asking for a bed shaped like the Millennium Falcon, I DECIDED that they live for that shit. That does not mean that my hypothetical kid even likes Star Wars, or cares how much their bed cost me (not to mention assembling the damn thing)! Have you noticed that spoiled kids also have this thing called relativity, where they don’t care about the things “not spoiled kids” care about? A trip is normal to them, so they don’t capitalize on it. They can always go on another trip. And although I get this analogy makes these kids sound privileged, you can’t tell someone what they care about, even if you wish it was you. “I’m jealous Tommy gets to go to Tahiti every summer”, well Tommy doesn’t give a shit if he goes to Tahiti. He’s actually sick of it, and he hates the sun. You can’t tell someone what’s valuable to them just because it’s valuable to you. When men are consistently throwing themselves at us so we can get laid, it doesn’t mean we sleep with every man who tries to fuck us. Here’s proof: Haven’t you guys notice you STRIKE OUT A LOT? (Which ALSO makes you mad, but I’m not even going to get into that). The reason it makes you so mad that women “have the option of getting laid all the time” in the first place is because YOU DON’T? SO LET’S DO SOME MATH KIDS: if you have trouble getting laid, is it possible that women are NOT sleeping with you, which would in turn mean that we TURN DOWN MEN THAT TRY AND SLEEP WITH US, AND THEREFORE, AREN’T ACTUALLY CAPITALIZING ON THIS MADE UP OPPORTUNITY YOU DECIDED WE ENJOY BEING PRESENTED? Am I mad at every celebrity’s kid who doesn’t go into the spotlight, even though they have the option because I’d love to be fucking famous? NO. Because they don’t want to do that. Do not make the absurd mistake of assuming that just because we are getting berated by men trying to get THEIR dicks wet, that we are PROUD of of being hit on all the time, or that we care about upping our kill counts. WE DON’T, BECAUSE IT IS SET UP SO WE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO CARE ABOUT THAT, SO NO MATTER HOW MANY MEN HIT ON ME, I WILL NEVER BE AS SATISFIED AS A MAN WHO LIVES BY THE MADONNA WHORE DICHOTOMY WOULD BE IF IT WERE THE OTHER WAY AROUND.
…..Anyway, I wish I could go back into my boyfriends car that night, and instead of asking how I could be a better girl and begging him to reconsider, just tell him to go find this unicorn good girl. Go find your intellectual equal, who challenges you, but lets you win, inexperienced but knowledgable, someone with a thirst for life, but has eyes for only you and does not care to expand, the life of the party, but only when you’re in the room, a virgin, but a rocket in the sack. (He is now dating a teenager, so by default she literally has less of a past than I do. I hope for her sake she doesn’t grow to have an opinion on the matter or decide one night to drink champaign with some girlfriends when he’s on tour because he would NOT APPROVE OF THAT NASTY BEHAVIOUR!!!)
I’m going to end my blog post with the angry thought that crossed my mind as I heard the term “GOOD GIRL” for the 895748957th time in my life while listening to Harry Styles coveted new album, (which don’t get me wrong, I love).
For the men who think and perpetuate this idea, the joke is on you. If you’re going to dismiss genuinely good people who care about you, because they don’t fit into the exact meaning of “good” that you defined, you will forever miss out on the great things around you while you chase something that may never exist. There are many ways to be good, and to only look for one while neglecting countless others, is a fools errand. And furthermore:
FUCK YOU, AND FUCK BEING YOUR “GOOD GIRL”. WOMEN ARE NOT THE ONE DIMENSIONAL CHARACTERS YOU SEE IN MOVIES. TAKE A SECOND TO ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR CONDITIONING, OR GO DATE A BLOW UP DOLL FROM THE TRIPLE X, YOU BRAINWASHED LOSER.